“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.”
— Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Life is a tapestry, woven together by experience, effort, and the sheer courage to live. But we don’t weave it alone. Others bring their own threads—each a different color, texture, or weight—contributing to the design of our story, just as we do to theirs.
And sometimes, the thread runs out.
This happens when we leave a job, move to a new place, or change direction. While we often hope that those who walk alongside us will stay forever, the truth is, they too may run out of thread.
And when that thread is gone, it’s usually gone for good. There’s no way to replenish it. Perhaps, one day, the person may return with a fresh spool, ready to intertwine once more. But until then, we’re left to sit with the absence, navigating the space they once filled.
Depending on who they were to us, their departure can feel like a quiet shift or a seismic event. And it leaves us wondering…
What Does It Mean When Someone Leaves Your Life?
Tapestries, no matter how intertwined, never fully merge. People come and go, just as we do. For some, leaving is a deliberate choice—a single decision made in a moment. For others, it’s a slow unraveling.
Attachment Styles and the Art of Letting Go
While no single explanation can account for why people leave, attachment styles offer insight. These are formed in childhood, largely shaped by our caregivers, and continue to influence our relationships throughout life.
- Those with avoidant attachment may leave before they can be left.
- Those with anxious attachment might engage in a push-and-pull dynamic, leaving and returning in cycles.
Understanding this doesn’t erase the pain, but it can help make sense of why some departures feel inevitable.
When a Relationship Has Run Its Course
There’s a belief that people exit our lives once they’ve taught us what they were meant to. They arrive, leave their mark, and move on—sometimes abruptly, sometimes gracefully. When a relationship has fulfilled its purpose, its natural conclusion isn’t a failure; it’s simply the closing of a chapter.
The Aftermath of Being Left
Knowing why someone left doesn’t always soften the sting of their absence. What it does offer, however, is closure. In the immediate aftermath, grief takes its course, but in time, we come to see that every loss also leaves behind space. And space is a powerful thing—it holds the potential for something new.
How to Heal When Someone Leaves
1. Don’t Take It Personally
Not every departure is about us. People are living out their own stories, facing struggles we may never know. If someone leaves, it’s often a reflection of their journey—not our worth.
2. Show Compassion—To Yourself and to Them
Everyone carries unseen burdens. Sometimes, people leave because they need to, not because they want to. Extending compassion to both yourself and them allows for healing. Blame only weighs you down—kindness, even in pain, sets you free.
3. Embrace the Space They Leave Behind
Loss creates an opening. What you choose to do with it is up to you. Will you fill it with self-discovery, a new passion, deeper connections, or time with loved ones? The emptiness isn’t just a void—it’s an invitation.
Paulo Coelho puts it beautifully:
“When faced with a loss, it is no use trying to recover what has gone. On the other hand, a great space has been opened up in your life—there it lies, empty, waiting to be filled with something new. At the moment of one’s loss, contradictory as this might seem, one is being given a large slice of freedom.”
Final Thoughts
When someone leaves, we can resist, hold on, or try to force things back into place. Or—we can surrender to the natural flow of life.
I’ve learned not to attach myself too tightly to people, things, or circumstances. I welcome everything with an open heart, knowing that every experience, every relationship, and every chapter has an expiration date. Instead of clinging, I embrace. Instead of resisting, I let go.
Life is a continuous current, always shifting, always evolving. And when the time comes for change, I no longer fight it—I trust it.